I’ve been having  sushi  by the convenience store

when I’m called  to fish.

It’s been making my tummy ache.

I enjoy reading God’s Word and seeing and hearing testimonies of people experiencing Him.
I love getting to know Jesus, reading about Him…

but when it comes to being with His church, I struggle.
 
So for many years, I’ve settled staying at home,

sometimes reading the Word, or watching summaries of it.

 

An audience.
A consumer.

 

I used my introversion as an excuse to stay in my room and urged Him to be okay with it too. 
 
Because of this, my faith looked more like a packaged product.
A bunch of stories that I know about that I get to gobble up as I please.
So when a problem occurs, I can intellectualise my way out of it based on “my” knowledge.

But God, praise Him, made me so queasy and uneasy.
He never lets anything counterfeit be good enough to me.
He showed me what my faith lacks.
 
Instead of asking God to use my introversion for Him, I abused my introversion to limit Him.
When I claim to be an introverted follower of Christ whilst settling with being alone,
forever distancing myself from people who God has placed before me,
the only faith I’m exercising is faith in my insecurities.
 
God is clear. Faith moves. It’s me in a boat with people. Maybe sometimes alone.

It’s a net thrown in the sea.

It’s a conversation in the midst of a storm.
 
By His grace, I get to see now that none of this was promised to be convenient for me.

But it is going to be good. Jesus didn’t die for me to have a convenient life.

He did so I could live in covenant with Him. 
 
Jesus made it lovingly clear in John 21:18-19
 
“Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted;

but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you

and lead you where you do not want to go. Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which

Peter would glorify God. Then He said to him, “Follow me!”